Going back

I've sometimes wondered is it is possible to go back.  You know, to visit the past.  I think I read somewhere that you can never go back.  It's never going to be the same and it's bound to disappoint.  And I have tended to agree with this viewpoint most of the time.  I know that when I've gone back to visit places where I've worked it's always been kind of awkward.  Even if I was there on genuine business and not just to visit old work mates.  But then again, I recently met an old friend that I hadn't seen in ages and it felt like we spoke just yesterday.  So I don't know.

Nostalgia is a positive thing in my mind, although I've never really looked the word up in a dictionary until now.  I just did and I guess my husbands view of it's meaning is more correct than mine.  Wikipedia says it's a: Yearning for the past, often idealized.  Hmm.  I don't feel that way about the past.  To me it's more of a celebration.  A happy feeling.  Memories of an adventurous life, strange places and foreign people. A realization that I was very young once, not that I knew it at the time, and probably made some mistakes.  But that's all right.  That's life.  "Je ne regrette rien" and I certainly don't long for the past to come back.  As much as I love to look through my albums at my old photos (and it always brings a smile to my face) I do not want to relive it.  It was happy, but not all the time.  Any given stretch of time is bound to have it's ups and downs, it's life.  That's the way it is.  Messy, but wonderful on the whole.

So anyway.  I got to go back.  To this place that I first saw 31 years ago:  Colorado.  Wonderful, wonderful place where I spent five years of my life.  And it celebrated my return with the most glorious blue sky, bright sunshine and wonderful autumn colours on the trees and a lovely unexpected 80 degrees.  I even got parking spots downtown without problems!  So, yes.  It is possible to go back.  It's not the same as it was, but I didn't expect that.  I didn't even want that.  Part of the fun of going back is to see what has changed.  The roads are wider and there are houses everywhere, where there were none before.  And new shopping malls.  But the Pearl Street Mall is there and the Hill, and The Harvest House and Boulder Canyon hasn't moved an inch.  My apartment building is still there and the Denny's is still on the corner.  The Dairy Queen has moved from the shed into a better building and now there is a Starbucks close by, and Whole Foods.  And a Goodwill store.  Perfect!  I could move right back.

But, no.  I'm back for real now.  To my life, the one I live today.  I already coloured some more wool and I have planned a soap session with my cousin tomorrow.  It doesn't matter how much fun it is to travel, either in time or space, it's always best to come home.